A Prayerful Thanksgiving Eve

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. It is also the day that Ethan was "officially" expected to arrive. While I think so many people can look at the loss of a child, in the way we lost Ethan, and think, "oh they should be over it by now.", the majority of those individuals have no clue just how profoundly lives are changed by the life, birth, or death of a child, no matter the stage of development. As we sit pondering the holidays this year, it is amazing to see that our lives are light years away from where we would be if Ethan hadn't died. It may be hard to grasp, but nearly EVERYTHING is different now. Relationships with friends, family, even our own marriage has been changed by his life, and his loss.

As those friends that are expecting their babies in the next week or so prepare for the births of their children, we are sorely reminded of Ethan's absence. While it's truly not personal, the approaching births of these children is truly heartbreaking for us. The unfairness of those couples delivering a big, and healthy baby, while my tiny baby sits on a shelf in an urn in my dining room is immeasurable. There's no way around that. Our lives are changed forever by Ethan's life, just as theirs will be changed forever by the births of their children.

I would love to sit here and type lovely words about how happy my little boy must be in heaven, and while I truly, truly believe that,I'd much rather have him here with us. Today, all I can do is pray for the strength to be thankful. Thankful for his Ethan's life, thankful for the time that we were able to spend with him after his death, and most of all thankful that he IS happy in Heaven, free from the hardships of this life.

If you have a free minute today to bend God's ear, you might ask him to lend us the strength to get through tomorrow, and the grace to be thankful for the time we had with our son.